Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (2019)

The Low-Down: Sometimes, you build a cinematic universe by design (hopefully). Other times, you build it almost by accident. When The Fast And The Furious was released way back in 2001, no one could have foreseen it spawning a box-office-busting franchise that has since raked in more than $5 billion over eight films. Deciding to create this spin-off focusing on two of the franchise’s newest and most charismatic additions – the titular Hobbs and Shaw – must have been a no-brainer. Unfortunately, this film feels like a literal no-brainer too, its weak, cluttered script mostly failing to support its inexplicably talented cast.

The Story: If you’ve never watched a single Fast & Furious film (like this reviewer), you won’t be too lost. It’s fairly easy to pick up the threads of the spiky rivalry between American federal agent Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) and British assassin-with-a-past Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham). Their mutual loathing takes a back-seat when both men end up on the same mission: chasing down a potentially world-destroying super-virus embedded in Deckard’s sister, MI6 agent Hattie Shaw (Vanessa Kirby). Hot on their heels is the cybernetically enhanced Brixton Lore (Idris Elba), who’s hellbent on securing the super-virus for his sinister employers.

The Good: When deployed effectively, Johnson and Statham are marvels of charisma and comic timing – well able to steal scenes, if not entire films, with snappy, snarky ease. On occasion, their electric charm and chemistry flare to life during Hobbs & Shaw, but it doesn’t happen often enough to save the film from its weak script and haphazard editing. That said, there’s some joy to be had in watching Hobbs & Shaw’s outrageously good supporting cast, which includes top-notch character actors like Helen Mirren and Eddie Marsan. Elba, for his part, acquits himself fairly well as a rampaging cyborg with a broken soul hidden somewhere beneath his menace and machinery.

The Not-So-Good: Unfortunately, the film never really lives up to the potential of its cast. The screenplay by Chris Morgan and Drew Pearce is frustratingly flabby. It’s the kind of script in which a strong female character is only as strong as the film needs her to be – Kirby tries her best, but is given next to nothing to flesh out the role of Hattie. Hobbs & Shaw also fails to help its titular double act move from the sidelines into the spotlight. Their incredibly juvenile playground bickering and bantering becomes wearisome after a while, making it harder to buy into the film’s attempts to delve into their histories and families. In grand Fast & Furious tradition, the action sequences are big and bonkers, bouncing from London to Moscow and even Samoa – but, shorn of effective character development, they also feel empty and soulless, strung together to pad out a running time that’s already far too long.

Lock It Down: If you’re familiar with Leitch’s recent filmography, you won’t be surprised by an extended cameo in Hobbs & Shaw that proves to be one of the film’s highlights. It’s the kind of blithely cheeky stuff that Leitch has proven he can pull off well – he juggled heart and humour to great effect in Deadpool 2. But Hobbs & Shaw never quite knows what it wants to be – silly or earnest, dumb or dark – and winds up being neither and nothing.

Recommended? Only if you’re a Fast & Furious devotee, or a diehard fan of Johnson and/or Statham. Otherwise, Hobbs & Shaw is a muddled mess that will sorely test your patience and tolerance for poorly-written, testosterone-fuelled shenanigans.

Spy (2015)

 

From Bond to Bourne, by way of The Naked Gun and Johnny English, movies about covert operatives kicking butt and saving the day – not always intentionally – have become a genre unto themselves. That’s why the advent of Paul Feig’s Spy is faintly depressing: how is a female-led comedy spoofing the secret world of spies only happening now, in 2015? At least there’s nothing at all depressing about the film itself: Spy is a blast of fun, cheeky adrenaline which cleverly sends up the dude-centric conventions of the genre while crafting a world and characters that both embrace and defy stereotypes.

Susan Cooper (Melissa McCarthy) wanted a life of adventure and mystery when she joined the CIA. However, despite turning in an outstanding performance at the training academy, she’s faded almost literally into the background. In the perennially vermin-infested confines of CIA HQ, she commiserates with fellow desk jockey Nancy (Miranda Hart) while providing able support for the agency’s top operative: cocky, suave Bradley Fine (Jude Law). But, when Fine runs afoul of ruthless arms dealer Raina Boyanov (Rose Byrne), Susan finds herself in a unique position to take action – she’s the only fully-trained agent who is also a complete unknown in the field.

Many spy spoofs falter in balancing comedy with plot and action – a problem that Spy largely manages to avoid until its almost breathlessly overstuffed ending. Feig’s script is sharp and witty, poking fun at character and convention while never losing sight of the power of a good pratfall. Considering how many gags and jokes he packs into each frame of the film, it’s a marvel that so many land as well as they do. But land they do, from the almost outrageously frumpy cover identities Susan is stuck with, to the frankly ridiculous rogue antics of Rick Ford (Jason Statham), an unpredictable, hot-headed agent who resigns in a rage-fuelled fit of machismo when Susan is tasked to pick up where Fine left off.

Beyond the comedy, however, what keeps the film chugging along is the fact that Feig also cannily supplies Susan with plenty of credible obstacles derived from plot and character. There’s the nominal villain, of course: petulant, haughty Raina, who orchestrates death and destruction without blinking an eye. But the plot extends beyond Raina and her histrionics. Susan has quite a few lovely character moments too. Not only does she turn her invisibility to her advantage when she first observes then infiltrates Raina’s operation, Susan also demonstrates to everyone, herself included, that she really is every bit as competent – if not more so – than her male counterparts.

Feig even throws in some action sequences worthy – and deliberately reminiscent – of a top-grade spy flick, from an escape on a motorboat under heavy fire, through to a spectacular mid-air confrontation between the forces of good and evil. The fight scenes are brutally well-choreographed, with Susan giving every bit as good as she gets as she efficiently takes down everyone in her path. That said, Spy does stumble a little as it barrels towards its gigantic final set-piece, the action beats building up in a way that suggest Feig is trying to write himself out of a tough spot.

But Feig never loses sight of his main character, who proves to be the finest gift he’s yet given to his muse (yes, that includes the Oscar nomination she picked up for her role in Bridesmaids and her enduring friendship with Sandra Bullock, her co-star in The Heat). Susan is a role that sits comfortably in McCarthy’s wheelhouse, allowing her to deploy her irrepressible charm and impeccable comic timing, while also suggesting a wealth of emotion and depth beneath a relentlessly sunny exterior. But it’s also a role that allows audiences to look beyond the brash, loud characters she’s become known for in her film career – one that celebrates McCarthy as a comedian, an actress and a person. The fact that the film never once doubts Susan’s abilities in the field is one of the most empowering statements you’ll see in a film this year.

Though she’s more than capable of doing so, McCarthy doesn’t have to carry the entire film by herself. Feig has provided her with a stellar supporting cast – including Allison Janney as Susan’s humourless boss and Peter Serafinowicz as an Italian contact with a healthy appreciation of Susan’s wiles. Law turns in a sparklingly self-deprecating performance as the film’s version of Bond, while Hart bumbles her way endearingly through proceedings in much the same way she does on her eponymous hit British sitcom.

But the real standouts in the supporting cast are Byrne and Statham, both tasked with playing loud, outlandish characters who are just barely more than caricatures. Byrne is delightfully silly as a spoilt daughter who has inherited a highly lucrative nuclear device, sneaking quite a bit of charm into the menace that accompanies Raina’s more callous decisions. Statham, meanwhile, flings his grim, taciturn demeanour – cultivated and recycled in a string of cookie-cutter action thrillers – out the window. He plays loose cannon Ford with a joyful pomposity that’s joyous to watch.

At a time when the sexism that still riddles Hollywood is being actively discussed and dissected (courtesy of films like Mad Max: Fury Road and Avengers: Age Of Ultron), Spy delivers the goods as a feminist twist on a genre that has been dominated by men for far too long. Its female characters are a magnificent blend of strong and silly, tough and tender all at once – incontrovertible proof, not that it should be needed in the first place, that women are funny and can headline genres typically associated with the male of the species.  But, most importantly of all, Spy is delightful in and of itself. Politics aside, this is, quite simply, a top-notch spy comedy, jammed full of big laughs and bigger action – which is reason enough for it to be a big hit.

Basically: Nothing undercover about this film – it’s an outright hit.

The Expendables 3 (2014)

It’s not often that a franchise finds its footing in its second act – but that’s precisely what happened with The Expendables. The first film, the apparent wet dream of a 1980s action movie buff, had a great cast and some good lines, but was ultimately a forgettable churn of action beats and mayhem. The Expendables 2, however, seemed to have finally tapped into what could make this group of gnarly, buffed-up old dudes really connect with a modern audience. Amidst the requisite gunplay and gore, the sequel packed itself full of oddball humour and a Chuck Norris cameo to beat all Chuck Norris cameos. Can anyone be blamed, then, for actually looking forward to The Expendables 3, especially with the addition of Mel Gibson, Harrison Ford and Wesley Snipes to the cast? Unfortunately, this third film is resolutely dour for far too much of its running time, forgetting to entertain as it attempts to mine depth from characters who should really be focused on blowing sh*t up instead.

We actually get a plot this time, one that delves into the dark past of Barney (Sylvester Stallone) and his Expendables. Turns out he used to run with a different gang going by the same name and all bearing the same skeletal tattoo, including super-smooth traitor-turned-international-arms-dealer Conrad Stonebanks (Gibson). Refusing to drag his old (in all senses of the word) team into his quest for Stonebanks, Barney kicks best bro Lee Christmas (Jason Statham) et al to the curb. For back-up, he recruits a young, hot brood of mercenaries with tech skills and authority issues (Kellan Lutz, Ronda Rousey, etc). But their confrontation with Stonebanks inevitably goes south, and Barney finds out that he doesn’t have the heart to treat them like collateral damage after all.

The fact of the matter is that no Expendables movie needs this much depth or story. Easily the first half of the film, if not more, is devoted to Barney’s wig-out over Stonebanks’ miraculous resurrection (to be precise: he didn’t die when Barney thought he did). In other words, this Expendables movie adds some intriguing new cast members to its roster, only to spend too much of its running time not focusing on the Expendables at all. Instead, we meet a group of gorgeous young people with lithe, toned bodies and shiny, smooth skin. If we wanted to see this, we would watch pretty much any other movie currently playing in cineplexes! The upshot of it all is that the leathery quartet of stalwarts left behind by Barney – including Lee, Gunner (Dolph Lundgren), Toll Road (Randy Couture) and the newly-busted-out-of-prison Doc (Snipes) – barely get a look-in.

Other members of the cast also flit around on the periphery of Barney’s angst: Trench (Arnold Schwarzenegger) turns up to work by Barney’s side quite a few times, but in mostly inconsequential ways. Ford’s Agent Drummer – replacing Bruce Willis and his enormous ego – is fun and acerbic, kind of, but feels like a waste of the actor’s charm and talents. And the less said about Jet Li’s remarkably brief return to the franchise, the better.

To be fair, The Expendables 3 does benefit from a quite thrilling turn by Gibson as the villainous Stonebanks. Whatever is said about the man, there’s no doubt this is an actor worth his salt – at least in comparison to former franchise baddies Steve Austin and Jean-Claude Van Damme. Gibson snarls his dialogue with a remarkable gentility and intelligence, lending the film the depth it so sorely craves. It’s a shame that the script waltzes away from it after a while: in one scene, Stonebanks cannily points out to Barney’s young recruits that the latter kills just as many people in his line of work, but his body-count is never questioned. It’s a smart, dark seed of doubt to plant in a film that collects corpses so carelessly, but it’s raised only to be forgotten in the mayhem that inevitably ensues.

Ironically, the film only splutters properly to life in its final third, when its most amusing and annoying character shows up in the form of Galgo (Antonio Banderas), a kill-happy dude who just wants to find a team alongside whom he can fight again. At that point, the spark of comedy that made The Expendables 2 so enjoyable flares up, and the film gains a measure of cheeky self-awareness that it had hitherto been sorely missing.

As for its action set-pieces: well, there are plenty of those. Some are quite well-executed, including parkour-heavy sequences set in and around a detonating building. But director Patrick Hughes loses track of the action beats fairly often, resulting in a murky mess of muscle and metal that never really gels into anything coherent onscreen. He’ll be directing the English remake of The Raid, by the way, so be afraid – be very afraid.

Strictly speaking, The Expendables 3 isn’t a dreadful film. Even though it’s too plot-heavy for a shoot-’em-up action flick, particularly in this specific franchise, its plodding story is at least internally consistent (ish). But it also feels like a wasted opportunity: Hughes has managed to score a frankly unbelievably great cast, uniting action heroes from across the 1980s, but has flung them into a film in which they barely appear, and certainly hardly ever turn up in the same frame. That this is done with more misery than joy only contributes to a curiously cheerless final product.

Basically: Passably mediocre; criminally lacking in fun and laughter.

Parker (2013)

Not many actors have the great good fortune of creating an entire movie genre around themselves. Jason Statham is one of the lucky few. He’s the current go-to dude for fast-paced, bullet-heavy action flicks that are notable only for being largely indistinguishable from one another. In all of these movies, Statham plays the stock tough-guy protagonist with a hidden heart of gold, sexily pulling girls and pulling off heists until he’s compelled to fight for his honour/family/paramour/rights – delete as appropriate. Parker is no different – long-time fans will be satisfied with its mix of horrific violence and studly cool, while detractors will find it to be a pretty formulaic retread of everything Statham has done before.

Parker (Statham) is a professional thief with a conscience – a gentleman-thug who refuses to exploit the innocent and unfortunate. His unique code of ethics doesn’t help him much with his current partners-in-crime though, a gang led by the manic Melander (Michael Chiklis). When he refuses to go in on their next gig, he’s beaten up and left for dead. Swearing to get what’s due to him, Parker sets out on a quest for vengeance that might very well double up as a suicide mission.

The main problem with Parker is that it’s unnecessarily complicated for a film that should really just be about epic face-offs and throwdowns. The narrative is pretty basic – Parker hunting down his erstwhile allies – but the movie takes quite a few detours along the way, to the point that its running time clocks in at just under two hours. There just isn’t enough story to sustain viewer interest for that long, even with the introduction of token eye-candy Jennifer Lopez as real estate agent and unexpected accomplice Leslie Rodgers.

That being said, Parker does what it does reasonably well. Statham growls and emotes reliably, and his relationship with Lopez is unusual in the sense that sex isn’t its sole defining factor. Director Taylor Hackford – a.k.a. Mr Helen Mirren – isn’t typically known for helming huge action movies, but he does a great job with the fight scenes. The action is bruising, electric, and feels remarkably real – with one particular fight scene in Parker’s rented high-rise apartment in Florida soaked in so much blood, tension and suspense that it’s practically worth the price of admission.

Like most of the movies on Statham’s filmography, Parker isn’t going to be troubling any awards ceremonies any time soon – nor will it ever be recognised as a cinematic masterpiece. But, for what it is, Parker is a passably entertaining watch. Fans of Statham and Lopez will have fun, and so too might anyone else who decides to give this movie a go.

Basically: Standard Statham action fare – which isn’t necessarily a bad thing where Parker is concerned.

Written for F*** Magazine

The Expendables 2 (2012)

The original Expendables movie was billed as the action movie to end all action movies, uniting as it did the time-worn, craggy granite-rocks-doubling-as-action-stars who have headlined fisticuff-heavy, character-lite blockbusters over the past couple of decades. The cast was made up of a host of chiselled dudes whose surnames alone could pack a cinema in their heyday – Stallone, Statham, Li, Lundgren – with the tantalising promise of cameos from other catchily-monickered action stars like Willis and Schwarzenegger. That first film received surprisingly strong reviews for its mix of uncompromisingly explosive action and amusingly spiky banter (particularly between Stallone and Statham as Barney Ross and Lee Christmas respectively), and so arose the inevitable question: how to cash in on the phenomenon and rake in even more cash for the inevitable sequel?

The answer, of course, is to give the audience everything that was in the first installment, plus as much more testosterone as can be plausibly stuffed into a movie… which means: all the bells and whistles, tanks and guns and imploding heads – with Willis and Schwarzenegger now featuring prominently in the film’s publicity (suggesting an upgrade in status and screen-time), earlier franchise hold-out Van Damme finally drafted in to play the hammy sort of villain he used to defeat handily, and appearances from the effectively retired Internet phenomenon Chuck Norris.

If you were expecting much of a plot when you walked into the cinema, you clearly did not understand the concept of this film – which is basically to assemble the roughest, toughest guys the silver screen can offer (the older and more grizzled with age the better), and have them beat the crap out of stuff and each other. This is the kind of action movie where the bad guy has precisely zero redeeming factors (depth and complexity, this franchise suggests, is a tiresome modern invention that gets in the way of shit blowing up). He’s also the sort of super-crafty villain who lets the good guys go so they can hunt him down again, in far more climactic circumstances, later in the film. It’s the sort of movie where people with guns and fists suddenly turn up to unleash hell and fury upon their opponents, the laws of physics and causality be damned. If you’re wondering how did they get there when they were patently over there two seconds ago?!… you have to either learn to let go of logic… or perhaps watch something else among the offerings at your local cineplex.

Nevertheless, Expendables 2 does try, a little – Barney Ross and his crack squad are still for hire, and Church (Willis) deploys him to retrieve the contents of a safe in the company of Maggie (Yu Nan). Along the way, they run face-first into Van Damme’s posse of evil bastards, who give Ross a reason and taste for revenge even as they set off on their supervillainy path of destruction and mayhem. The rest of the plot is just window dressing, honestly: the fireworks are what you’re here to see.

Fortunately, fireworks is exactly what you get. Expendables 2 opens with a bone-crunchingly violent action set-piece that would have worked perfectly well as the climax of pretty much any other action movie, as Ross and his gang ride roughshod in huge tanks through the streets of Nepal on the hunt for their target. The gunfire and body count (as gruesomely depicted as an R-rating in the US will allow) ratchet up steadily, as action heroes of a bygone era prove to you that there’s still a lot of muscle and fire-power in them yet. The only trouble is that most of these forces of mayhem are on the same team, so there’s a woeful lack of face-offs that would’ve made the film even more balls-to-the-wall exciting. But it’s nevertheless huge fun to watch Stallone, Willis, Schwarzenegger and everyone else in Ross’ motley band rip through all the human fodder that has the misfortune of standing in the way of these men and their guns.

There is a little more to recommend the film than the uncompromising action, blood and gore that practically radiate off the screen, however. Aside from a couple of gloomier moments intended to imbue the characters with depth and motivation, Expendables 2 is blissfully aware of just what kind of movie it is and has no qualms about celebrating that with humour both deliciously sly and unapologetically broad. The bickering that characterised Ross and Christmas’ relationship in the first movie is present and accounted for, as are the quips and insults that fly back and forth amongst the other characters (many of which are pointed references to the cast members’ past work and/or catchphrases). Lundgren is, unexpectedly, a comic highlight as well, playing as he does the worryingly demented Gunner with a charm and personality I didn’t realise he had. Norris, meanwhile, comes awfully close to stealing the entire film when he swans in for his cameo.

To be perfectly frank – if you’re looking at the cast of Expendables 2 and hoping for an intelligent, profound movie about the perils of growing old and redundant in a world that prizes youth and vitality over experience and wisdom… this is emphatically not the movie for you. But if you want to see a bunch of veteran action stars go nuts in a film that pairs an enormous body and explosion count with a surprisingly high hit rate for laughs – you’d be hard-pressed to go wrong with Barney Ross and Gang.